Musings During Quarantine

Addressed to: Comrade Wang, minister of foreign affairs People's Republic China etc..

Calling for immediate apology for threats against Czech Republic.

Esteemed,

this was the last time you opened your mouth about CR! Your behavior have substantially crossed the lines of what is diplomatically acceptable. You dare to threaten senate chairman with pay heavy price, you unmannered rude clowns!

Now listen to me, comrade minister. PRC will apologize asap for the shameless threat. And when I say asap, I mean right now! I want to have it in 24 hours on the table of Czech foreign minister. Btw, he agrees with me, but has to keep his mouth shut because of pact of not very sane mercenary Miloš Zeman with our premier, co-conspirator Babiš. But that doesn't mean you will bully us like this.

Be ashamed and acknowledge that in future even a tone which would implicate threat towards representatives of our sovereign country I will make you pay a heavy price for bullying, and you won't like it. You will not train us from position of strength and I warn you that reaction from our side will be same even if you had invested 14x more than our friends from Taiwan instead of 14x less.

Wake up. You will not shit on us. Do not let this to be repeated.

Send me the copy of the apology on email, so I can put it in archives and forget your pathetic diplomatic fuck up you have just made. Don't piss me off.

With pretending regards.

Pavel Novotný, mayor of Prague-Řeporyje

(source: https://www.reddit.com/r/worldnews/comments/ikg009/czech_mayor_writes_letter_calling_a_chinese/)

We here at the Brony Ranch have a confession to make. These kinds of diplomatic exchanges would really spice up the International Studies programs at most universities. Though probably not at Harvard which is little more than the second rate putain for China's cash. $93.7 million dollars from China. Of course, that's nothing compared to Harvard's $40 BillYunn endowment. Enough about the joke currently called the University in America.

Let's focus on some yellow.

1. Esteemed - I don't think he meant it. But how cruel to use sarcasm. It's a sign of weakness.
2. You unmannered rude clowns - There it is. Finally, some diplomatic level admission that no one likes clowns. Here's to wishing the Mayor had not used redundant adjectives to describe 'clowns.' We have some suggestions as to what might have been more effective instead of "unmannered" : a) genocidal; b) ICP wannabe, c) glutinous (not gluttonous), d) bat-eating, e) ocean raping, f) Intellectual Property Thieving, g) Old Shoe
3. Be ashamed - We like the use of the imperative here. I don't really see anyone in the diplomatic corps of the PRC feeling shame. Probably all sense of shamed is farmed out of them like they do with the collection of bear bile.
4. You won't like it - Some how, this threat is the most pernicious. The diplomat, Comrade Wang, will simply not like it. I don't know if this might include but not be limited to having to eat Panda Express from any of its  many locations in the US, or being surgically altered to look like Winnie the Pu-Yi. A clone army of diplomats remade in Xi's image would be a great final act for Xi before he is dethroned by some underling like Premier Li Keqiang. Below is picture of his demanding Winnie Xi Pooh to "smell my finger. While Xi demands that, "No, you smell my finger."
6. Wake up. You will not shit on us - This is most peculiar, Momma. Firstly, we learn that Comrade Wang is asleep. Secondly, we come to understand that Comrade Wang may have an issue with "crapping the bed." Before we speculate on Comrade Wang's rumored incontinence,  we must ask the Mayor why Comrade Wang is in his bed. We shall not touch the old notion of "lied down with dogs, wake up with fleas." Careful whom you get into bed with, Mr. Mayor. But, since you got into bed with China for that awesome training deal, you look to be establishing ground rules. No pooping in the bed. Probably need a safe word. We suggest "Taiwan Is Not Part of China" as a safe word.
7. Forget your diplomatic fuck up you have just made - Seems harsh. But pooping in another persons bed is generally frowned upon the world over. In fact, we can globally agree that we should not poop in someone else's bed. Drop the kids off at the pool before bed, Comrade. Everybody wins. Or at least doesn't have to wipe themselves just from foolishly embracing your cash.
8. Don't piss me off -  we are guessing that this use of the imperative is figurative. To think that Comrade Wang might also tinkling in the sheets is to suggest Comrade Wang should drink a little less. Maybe not get blackout drunk on 2 beers. Just nurse that one beer for the evening.
9. With pretending regards - Back to the point of International Relations as a degree. Mockery. Why isn't mockery used more often in diplomatic relations? Think of the potential. Mockery seems to be the direct path chosen by the PRC officials. Like the Chinese bullet trains. Remember those turds? What about the persecution of any religious entity that doesn't agree to be the ruling party's bitch? An ongoing steaming pile of mockery. Well, maybe, just maybe, the glorious people's party that has polluted so much of the land/air/water of China that it is now seeking to control the the waters that irrigate India. Chinese Ecology - A pile of poo so high it reaches to the Ancestors in Heaven. There's some real clowning. Provoke India at Pangong So and Laku Na to test their resolve, response, and abilities. Careful Mr Modhi. After you finish lying about a toilet in every hut in India, you might want to consider the build up around the source of the Brahamputra. Good old Lake Manasarovar. You know the one that has its source in the Tibetan glaciers? There's some mockery for you. The Tibetan Autonomous Zone. One of drug addled, STD riddled, running dog emperor Mao's best mockeries.
10. Let all us who sit in the seat of mockers be blessed as we cross our fingers for a delightful reply from Mr Poopy Pants himself, Comrade Wang.